Pamela Reaves chimes in once again to deliver great insight and reflection on relationships.
If You Have to Do These Things, Then Your Relationship Is Definitely in Trouble
By Pamela R Reaves
I recently read an Internet relationship article offering women tips on how to prove whether or not their partners are guilty of cheating. While the tips were taken from what the article described as a highly successful book on relationships, I find it interesting that any woman who wants to have a healthy loving relationship would go to such lengths to prove whether or not her man is guilty of committing the acts described in the article. I'm going to paraphrase a few of the tips, and once I start explaining, I'm convinced you will agree that if you have to even consider the advice offered, and worse, if you have to put it into action, your relationship is definitely in trouble. If nothing else, this is one of those light-hearted articles I felt like writing and it will make you laugh. So enjoy.One piece of advice to the woman who is suspicious about a cheating man is for her to ask to use his cell phone. Then watch to see if he's nervous about the request or flat-out refuse. Unless you're a couple whose regular practice is to use each other's cell phones, a change in pattern where you suddenly start asking to use his cell phone is going to raise all kinds of red flags. Now consider what happens if he isn't guilty of anything. You have just demonstrated a lack of trust. Your lack of trust implies that you think he has something to hide or he isn't telling you the truth. Either way, you have now called him a liar and a sneak. If he's innocent, you have falsely accused him. Now the element of trust is corrupt and once that happens, everything thereafter is predicated on mistrust. A healthy relationship does not survive in an environment of mistrust.Another piece of advice is to look for some random hairs of another woman. All of us shed hair to some degree, so you are likely to find random hairs almost anywhere you go. I've actually looked down on my bathroom floor to find long blond hairs. My hair is gray. My husband has no hair and blondes are not his type. Chances are I picked up the blonde hair somewhere along the way during my day. I could have picked it up at the office; while I was at lunch with a friend whose hair is blonde; or when I stopped in at the supermarket on the way home. The point is that looking for random hairs is exhaustive and is as desperate as it sounds. A few strands of hair are not highly visible. So if you have to go searching for random strands of hair (which involves exerting energy and some serious scrutiny), you are straining your eyes and your heart looking for heartbreak. Once you find the random strands of hair, what is going to be your argument? I can assure you he is going to make your argument a weak one because he can probably come up with a very long list of explanations that extend far beyond the ones I just gave. Then he's probably going to make you feel even smaller for bringing it up when he starts laughing at you or ignoring you. So now you've exhausted yourself looking for hairs; worried yourself sick about what she actually looks like; and finally he's either dismissed or laughed at you. A healthy relationship doesn't turn you into Sherleen Holmes (Sherlock's female counterpart.)Then there is the piece of advice advising the suspicious woman to put something small in her bed like a rubber band under the pillow, and then check later to see if it's still there. You are close to insane if things have deteriorated to the point where you have reason to believe he has actually brought her into your bedroom and you have been reduced to sneaking rubber bands under pillows? We all know how detailed women are, and that men don't always pay attention to the details. If the other woman is the type who is brazen enough to come into your bedroom, she knows this game and is probably conniving enough to put the darned rubber band back where she found it. She may decide to one-up you and leave something that will hurt your feelings more than a missing rubber band (e.g. compliments of Victoria's Secret). ~Copa
By Pamela R Reaves
I recently read an Internet relationship article offering women tips on how to prove whether or not their partners are guilty of cheating. While the tips were taken from what the article described as a highly successful book on relationships, I find it interesting that any woman who wants to have a healthy loving relationship would go to such lengths to prove whether or not her man is guilty of committing the acts described in the article. I'm going to paraphrase a few of the tips, and once I start explaining, I'm convinced you will agree that if you have to even consider the advice offered, and worse, if you have to put it into action, your relationship is definitely in trouble. If nothing else, this is one of those light-hearted articles I felt like writing and it will make you laugh. So enjoy.One piece of advice to the woman who is suspicious about a cheating man is for her to ask to use his cell phone. Then watch to see if he's nervous about the request or flat-out refuse. Unless you're a couple whose regular practice is to use each other's cell phones, a change in pattern where you suddenly start asking to use his cell phone is going to raise all kinds of red flags. Now consider what happens if he isn't guilty of anything. You have just demonstrated a lack of trust. Your lack of trust implies that you think he has something to hide or he isn't telling you the truth. Either way, you have now called him a liar and a sneak. If he's innocent, you have falsely accused him. Now the element of trust is corrupt and once that happens, everything thereafter is predicated on mistrust. A healthy relationship does not survive in an environment of mistrust.Another piece of advice is to look for some random hairs of another woman. All of us shed hair to some degree, so you are likely to find random hairs almost anywhere you go. I've actually looked down on my bathroom floor to find long blond hairs. My hair is gray. My husband has no hair and blondes are not his type. Chances are I picked up the blonde hair somewhere along the way during my day. I could have picked it up at the office; while I was at lunch with a friend whose hair is blonde; or when I stopped in at the supermarket on the way home. The point is that looking for random hairs is exhaustive and is as desperate as it sounds. A few strands of hair are not highly visible. So if you have to go searching for random strands of hair (which involves exerting energy and some serious scrutiny), you are straining your eyes and your heart looking for heartbreak. Once you find the random strands of hair, what is going to be your argument? I can assure you he is going to make your argument a weak one because he can probably come up with a very long list of explanations that extend far beyond the ones I just gave. Then he's probably going to make you feel even smaller for bringing it up when he starts laughing at you or ignoring you. So now you've exhausted yourself looking for hairs; worried yourself sick about what she actually looks like; and finally he's either dismissed or laughed at you. A healthy relationship doesn't turn you into Sherleen Holmes (Sherlock's female counterpart.)Then there is the piece of advice advising the suspicious woman to put something small in her bed like a rubber band under the pillow, and then check later to see if it's still there. You are close to insane if things have deteriorated to the point where you have reason to believe he has actually brought her into your bedroom and you have been reduced to sneaking rubber bands under pillows? We all know how detailed women are, and that men don't always pay attention to the details. If the other woman is the type who is brazen enough to come into your bedroom, she knows this game and is probably conniving enough to put the darned rubber band back where she found it. She may decide to one-up you and leave something that will hurt your feelings more than a missing rubber band (e.g. compliments of Victoria's Secret). ~Copa