Author/Relationship Coach Pamela Reaves returns with her interesting views on how we get along.
Pamela Reaves
"In Defense of Rachel Dolezal"
The Internet, Instagram, and the whole social media world,
as well as televised news broadcasts have been bombarded with stories about
Rachel Dolezal, a civil rights activist, adjunct college professor, and former President
of the Spokane, Washington chapter of the NAACP, and the outing of her personal
life by none other than her parents. It
seems that Ms. Dolezal, who identifies herself racially as Black, is actually White.
She has been characterized as strange, delusional, crazy, deceptive, and a whole list of other unpleasant adjectives. Ms. Dolezal is getting it from every body – Black and White, conservatives, liberals, and every community under the sun. She’s being accused of further tarnishing the reputation of the NAACP; making a mockery of black folk, trying to “pass” by sporting ethnic hair-dos, and falsifying applications in her efforts to win certain commission seats. The comments, narratives, and articles are blistering to say the least. However, I don’t believe anyone’s opinions and comments about her are as scathing as those of her parents.
Initially I thought my take on this entire story was different than most people. The first inkling that wasn’t the case was when a Facebook friend posted something akin to my position on this matter. Now I’m discovering that there are a great number of people who are not offended by Rachel Dolezal’s choice to live as a Black woman, who has taken up a number of advocacy initiatives as her own. Some people just don’t care, while others have made her the butt of their jokes, and still others believe she’s done a lot of good for the African American community. All are entitled to their opinions, and there are valid points (with the exception of the jokes) in almost every argument for or against her. This article, however, is to address a subject I have repeatedly written about in different articles, and that is the impact that one relationship in a person’s life has on their other relationships.
The more articles, opinions, and social media posts I read, the more I’m convinced that this issue goes far beyond a woman trying to “pass” as Black. Even that is an ironic twist considering our country’s history on race relations. From what has been reported, and based on the interviews with her parents that I’ve seen so far, I’m certain this whole issue has its origin in familial relationships. Whatever has been going on in this family for years is the genesis of Ms. Dolezal’s decision to identify herself as a Black woman.
Although in some of the videos Ms. Dolezal’s parents use what are seemingly the right words to describe their feelings for her, I detected undertones of hostility, bitterness, and disappointment. I can understand any parent wanting their children to be proud of their heritage. However, I can’t recall any situation wherein parents who have healthy relationships with their children agree to sit down for several interviews and describe the child whom they love as a fake and unethical. In one interview, her parents admit that she’s been fascinated and sensitive to the issues of black life for many years. Ms. Dolezal went to Howard University, a HBCU located in Washington, D.C. When the reporter asked the parents if Rachel used her identity as a black woman to get into Howard, they were honest in answering “no.” What is odd is that they never mentioned a law suit she filed against the University. However, it was the father’s opinion that the HBCU representative with whom she spoke probably assumed she was Black because she “sounds Black” on the phone. So if this account is true, Rachel Dolezal was living, at some level, as a Black woman for a very long time and her parents were aware of it. Her own father admitted to her commitment to social justice since being a child. So she did not create her blackness just to become the President of the NAACP.
When Rachel’s parents were asked what action should the NAACP take in response to the now public information, their response was that it was up to the organizations to make a decision about fraud, deception, and unethical practices. Rachel’s mother injected that she would hope the decision-makers seek God for guidance. In my opinion, that subtle message is directed at such decision-makers to take into consideration action they image God would take against one who has committed sin (in this case Rachel). The parent who isn’t interested in punishment or retaliation would have probably stopped at “I don’t know.” Yet I found it interesting, and not in a good way, that their comments seemed to be measured and laced with descriptors such as deception, fraud, and misrepresentation.
Rachel’s parents have stated in their interviews that she wants nothing to do with their family, which by the way, includes more than one adopted Black child. So it’s safe to say that the entire family has demonstrated love and affection for Blacks on some level. The dynamics of race relations have been playing out in this family for years. The question is what happened, and caused Rachel and the rest of the family to assume polar opposite positions about everything? An even better question is that if she has been fronting for years, why call her out now, and why on such a public platform knowing what the blow-back would be? I do believe her election to the post was the icing on the cake for them.
Whatever happened in the family caused Rachel to move toward and to further immerse herself into Black culture. She decided that she is Black – not just want to be Black. She has made bold choices that have resulted in estrangement from her birth parents. Even with the baptismal by fire she is now experiencing, she is still holding fast to her decision not to be identified in any way with them. During an interview on KREM2, her response to her parents exposing her is, “What I would say to them is that I don’t give two s***s what you guys think. You are so far done and out of my life.” That, my friends, means this whole thing goes much deeper than just trying to pass as Black. Something occurred in the family relationship that hurt her so deeply she doesn’t want to be affiliated with her parents or her lineage in any way. Her rejection has injured them to the point where they have no problem sitting down and giving the details of Rachel’s transformation to a Black woman. Unless there is some mental issue (and to date I haven’t seen or heard anything that would convince me otherwise in the case of Rachel Dolezal), a child who is brought up in a nurturing and loving home would never respond with such fire and distain for their parent. Many want to call Rachel crazy, but she has been very focused and determined in her pursuit of racial identity and lifestyle. She is different, but not crazy. The parents are harboring resentment as well, and that is why they are willing to sit down and discuss Rachel in the unfavorable light they have been doing since the story broke. This is some serious stuff, yet I’ve never seen a tear roll down the cheeks of either parent or Rachel.
The NAACP issued a statement saying that the organization’s leaders can come from any ethnic group and/or background. Initially they appeared to be standing by her. A part of that had to do with her proven track record of support, commitment, and achievement in getting things done on behalf of the African American community. The organization did not appear to be as outraged as her parents. It is Ms. Dolezal’s parents, whose use of words such as “pretending”, “misrepresentation”, and “unethical”, as well as characterizations such as “very skilled at doing African American hair”; “can make herself look like any ethnicity”, that causes me pause. They have mentioned that the organization with which she is affiliated or seeks to be affiliated have to answer to God about their decisions as how to handle this matter going forward. They just don’t want the law and/or decision-makers to deal with her, these people seem to be asking for the wrath of God. Once again, it is the implications I find disturbing. I would encourage readers to Google the interviews of Rachel’s parents to observe body language and to listen closely to how their statements are framed.
In the end, (if not from internal NAACP pressures) public chaos, microscopic scrutiny of every part of her life, and the media circus were responsible for Rachel Dolezal resigning her position as President of the Spokane NAACP. Undaunted, Rachel has vowed to keep working for the causes to which she is committed. A lot happened since this story broke, but even more has been going on within Rachel’s family for years, and although she attempted to disconnect, the family dynamics were responsible for altering other parts of her life. The infighting in her family adversely affected her life even though she attempted to completely and unequivocally severe ties with family members.
It has been reported that a lawsuit involving family members may have something to do with the parents’ disclosure. In one interview, several questions were posed to them regarding the lawsuit. Either at the advice of counsel, or for personal reasons, Rachel’s parents were adamant about not disclosing any information regarding legal actions, not even the existence of a lawsuit. But an absolute refusal to acknowledge what is now public knowledge (there is a lawsuit) seems a bit out of character for people who had no problem bringing their daughter to the forefront knowing what the public’s reaction would be, and the dire consequences she would be faced with. There is so much hostility and resentment among family members the parties of interest are willing to take each other down in front of the world.
I don’t agree with any action or behavior that is illegal, and I abhor deceit. However, I also acknowledge extenuating circumstance. You see, the real answers usually lie within the extenuating circumstances rather than the sensationalized story that initially comes to the public forum for spectacle. So I’m not offended by Rachel Dolezal, but have been curious about her decisions, and/or how she arrived at certain conclusions. In an attempt to understand her, I had to analyze the people with whom she identifies.
I see her decision to be identified as a Black woman as an honor and a compliment to Black women. Her lies are not honorable or complimentary, but that which she is seeking is. Obviously she is very much aware of the countless qualities of Black women. She has chosen to identify with Black beauty, strength, resiliency, commitment, perseverance, and the ability to get things done in the face of adversity. She obviously loves our earthiness and how we’re adept at keeping it real no matter how glamorous, educated, or affluent we are. She is obviously in awe of our ability to do almost anything in the world with our hair. She loves the way we speak our minds, and make no apology for who we are, even if the rest of the world does not want to acknowledge that we are invaluable. She understands our swagger as assertiveness and not belligerence. She knows that we are forces of power to be reckoned with.
I get it – Rachel Dolezal is in such awe of African Americans that she was willing to walk away from an ethnic safety net that would have protected her from the challenges inherent to the African American community. The ethnicity and culture she elected to deny could have afforded her limitless privileges and opportunities. My concern, however, is what may have happened long ago that injured her emotionally and/or spiritually. Until I see or hear something from a reliable source to the contrary, I believe something really ugly or dysfunctional in her upbringing played an integral role in her decision to re-assign ethnicity to herself because she could love Black life without deserting White life. There are qualities and attributes that I find attractive in other ethnicities and cultures. However, I’m so in love with my blackness, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. That doesn’t mean I can’t love the attributes of diverse cultures. Rachel should have felt this way about being White, but something altered her perception of who she is a long time ago.
Much has been said about how much she knows about African American culture. Well that means she’s that interested in, committed to, and has come to love Black life. Even knowing the challenges that African Americans have historically faced, are currently facing, and will continue to face, she decided to identify with the community and fight for social justice and other causes on behalf of the African American community. Who could begrudge her this? Whatever is going on with her birth parents, she’s not out to hurt the African American community. So don’t blend the issues because they are not the same. Pray that their familial problems will be resolved. Pray that her parents will be able to accept her decision absent bitterness, hostility, and vendetta. Pray that Rachel will be able to live her life without seeking revenge and harboring animosity towards her parents. She’s made a new life for herself, and if her decision is that they no longer exist for her, she should move on and cease from responding to their interviews.
If she has declared herself Black, that’s who we should accept her as. If legions of folk can accept and embrace someone who makes the decision to change gender, it shouldn’t be hard to accept someone’s decision to change their ethnicity. It may be sound and feel strange, but Rachel Dolezal should be respected for her decision. I didn’t say respected for her lies, but her decision. I know that my critics will say that Caitlyn Jenner was open about what she was doing, and your point is well-taken. However, I would like to ask what would have been the response had Rachel announced to the world years ago that she had decided to no longer live her life as a White woman, and would be spending the rest of it living as a Black woman and advocating for Black causes. If we are honest, the answers are the reasons why she chose not to.
Unfortunately, familial relationships impacted her life in such a way that she made a decision to end her life in every way but physical death. She chooses to live life as a member of a group of people who have a complex history in this country, and have been called upon to endure more than any other group in our history. Those troubled familial relationships have affected her in ways she would have never imaged. Rather than let her go, her parents’ pain convinced them to cast the spotlight on their child for the world to scrutinize her in ways that can result in catastrophic damage. Is that what they really want for their child? Do they believe love manifest itself in this manner? There’s still a lot to learn about the life of Rachel Dolezal, but I, for one, choose to defend her decision even if I don’t agree with the road she’s taken to “do her”.
She has been characterized as strange, delusional, crazy, deceptive, and a whole list of other unpleasant adjectives. Ms. Dolezal is getting it from every body – Black and White, conservatives, liberals, and every community under the sun. She’s being accused of further tarnishing the reputation of the NAACP; making a mockery of black folk, trying to “pass” by sporting ethnic hair-dos, and falsifying applications in her efforts to win certain commission seats. The comments, narratives, and articles are blistering to say the least. However, I don’t believe anyone’s opinions and comments about her are as scathing as those of her parents.
Initially I thought my take on this entire story was different than most people. The first inkling that wasn’t the case was when a Facebook friend posted something akin to my position on this matter. Now I’m discovering that there are a great number of people who are not offended by Rachel Dolezal’s choice to live as a Black woman, who has taken up a number of advocacy initiatives as her own. Some people just don’t care, while others have made her the butt of their jokes, and still others believe she’s done a lot of good for the African American community. All are entitled to their opinions, and there are valid points (with the exception of the jokes) in almost every argument for or against her. This article, however, is to address a subject I have repeatedly written about in different articles, and that is the impact that one relationship in a person’s life has on their other relationships.
The more articles, opinions, and social media posts I read, the more I’m convinced that this issue goes far beyond a woman trying to “pass” as Black. Even that is an ironic twist considering our country’s history on race relations. From what has been reported, and based on the interviews with her parents that I’ve seen so far, I’m certain this whole issue has its origin in familial relationships. Whatever has been going on in this family for years is the genesis of Ms. Dolezal’s decision to identify herself as a Black woman.
Although in some of the videos Ms. Dolezal’s parents use what are seemingly the right words to describe their feelings for her, I detected undertones of hostility, bitterness, and disappointment. I can understand any parent wanting their children to be proud of their heritage. However, I can’t recall any situation wherein parents who have healthy relationships with their children agree to sit down for several interviews and describe the child whom they love as a fake and unethical. In one interview, her parents admit that she’s been fascinated and sensitive to the issues of black life for many years. Ms. Dolezal went to Howard University, a HBCU located in Washington, D.C. When the reporter asked the parents if Rachel used her identity as a black woman to get into Howard, they were honest in answering “no.” What is odd is that they never mentioned a law suit she filed against the University. However, it was the father’s opinion that the HBCU representative with whom she spoke probably assumed she was Black because she “sounds Black” on the phone. So if this account is true, Rachel Dolezal was living, at some level, as a Black woman for a very long time and her parents were aware of it. Her own father admitted to her commitment to social justice since being a child. So she did not create her blackness just to become the President of the NAACP.
When Rachel’s parents were asked what action should the NAACP take in response to the now public information, their response was that it was up to the organizations to make a decision about fraud, deception, and unethical practices. Rachel’s mother injected that she would hope the decision-makers seek God for guidance. In my opinion, that subtle message is directed at such decision-makers to take into consideration action they image God would take against one who has committed sin (in this case Rachel). The parent who isn’t interested in punishment or retaliation would have probably stopped at “I don’t know.” Yet I found it interesting, and not in a good way, that their comments seemed to be measured and laced with descriptors such as deception, fraud, and misrepresentation.
Rachel’s parents have stated in their interviews that she wants nothing to do with their family, which by the way, includes more than one adopted Black child. So it’s safe to say that the entire family has demonstrated love and affection for Blacks on some level. The dynamics of race relations have been playing out in this family for years. The question is what happened, and caused Rachel and the rest of the family to assume polar opposite positions about everything? An even better question is that if she has been fronting for years, why call her out now, and why on such a public platform knowing what the blow-back would be? I do believe her election to the post was the icing on the cake for them.
Whatever happened in the family caused Rachel to move toward and to further immerse herself into Black culture. She decided that she is Black – not just want to be Black. She has made bold choices that have resulted in estrangement from her birth parents. Even with the baptismal by fire she is now experiencing, she is still holding fast to her decision not to be identified in any way with them. During an interview on KREM2, her response to her parents exposing her is, “What I would say to them is that I don’t give two s***s what you guys think. You are so far done and out of my life.” That, my friends, means this whole thing goes much deeper than just trying to pass as Black. Something occurred in the family relationship that hurt her so deeply she doesn’t want to be affiliated with her parents or her lineage in any way. Her rejection has injured them to the point where they have no problem sitting down and giving the details of Rachel’s transformation to a Black woman. Unless there is some mental issue (and to date I haven’t seen or heard anything that would convince me otherwise in the case of Rachel Dolezal), a child who is brought up in a nurturing and loving home would never respond with such fire and distain for their parent. Many want to call Rachel crazy, but she has been very focused and determined in her pursuit of racial identity and lifestyle. She is different, but not crazy. The parents are harboring resentment as well, and that is why they are willing to sit down and discuss Rachel in the unfavorable light they have been doing since the story broke. This is some serious stuff, yet I’ve never seen a tear roll down the cheeks of either parent or Rachel.
The NAACP issued a statement saying that the organization’s leaders can come from any ethnic group and/or background. Initially they appeared to be standing by her. A part of that had to do with her proven track record of support, commitment, and achievement in getting things done on behalf of the African American community. The organization did not appear to be as outraged as her parents. It is Ms. Dolezal’s parents, whose use of words such as “pretending”, “misrepresentation”, and “unethical”, as well as characterizations such as “very skilled at doing African American hair”; “can make herself look like any ethnicity”, that causes me pause. They have mentioned that the organization with which she is affiliated or seeks to be affiliated have to answer to God about their decisions as how to handle this matter going forward. They just don’t want the law and/or decision-makers to deal with her, these people seem to be asking for the wrath of God. Once again, it is the implications I find disturbing. I would encourage readers to Google the interviews of Rachel’s parents to observe body language and to listen closely to how their statements are framed.
In the end, (if not from internal NAACP pressures) public chaos, microscopic scrutiny of every part of her life, and the media circus were responsible for Rachel Dolezal resigning her position as President of the Spokane NAACP. Undaunted, Rachel has vowed to keep working for the causes to which she is committed. A lot happened since this story broke, but even more has been going on within Rachel’s family for years, and although she attempted to disconnect, the family dynamics were responsible for altering other parts of her life. The infighting in her family adversely affected her life even though she attempted to completely and unequivocally severe ties with family members.
It has been reported that a lawsuit involving family members may have something to do with the parents’ disclosure. In one interview, several questions were posed to them regarding the lawsuit. Either at the advice of counsel, or for personal reasons, Rachel’s parents were adamant about not disclosing any information regarding legal actions, not even the existence of a lawsuit. But an absolute refusal to acknowledge what is now public knowledge (there is a lawsuit) seems a bit out of character for people who had no problem bringing their daughter to the forefront knowing what the public’s reaction would be, and the dire consequences she would be faced with. There is so much hostility and resentment among family members the parties of interest are willing to take each other down in front of the world.
I don’t agree with any action or behavior that is illegal, and I abhor deceit. However, I also acknowledge extenuating circumstance. You see, the real answers usually lie within the extenuating circumstances rather than the sensationalized story that initially comes to the public forum for spectacle. So I’m not offended by Rachel Dolezal, but have been curious about her decisions, and/or how she arrived at certain conclusions. In an attempt to understand her, I had to analyze the people with whom she identifies.
I see her decision to be identified as a Black woman as an honor and a compliment to Black women. Her lies are not honorable or complimentary, but that which she is seeking is. Obviously she is very much aware of the countless qualities of Black women. She has chosen to identify with Black beauty, strength, resiliency, commitment, perseverance, and the ability to get things done in the face of adversity. She obviously loves our earthiness and how we’re adept at keeping it real no matter how glamorous, educated, or affluent we are. She is obviously in awe of our ability to do almost anything in the world with our hair. She loves the way we speak our minds, and make no apology for who we are, even if the rest of the world does not want to acknowledge that we are invaluable. She understands our swagger as assertiveness and not belligerence. She knows that we are forces of power to be reckoned with.
I get it – Rachel Dolezal is in such awe of African Americans that she was willing to walk away from an ethnic safety net that would have protected her from the challenges inherent to the African American community. The ethnicity and culture she elected to deny could have afforded her limitless privileges and opportunities. My concern, however, is what may have happened long ago that injured her emotionally and/or spiritually. Until I see or hear something from a reliable source to the contrary, I believe something really ugly or dysfunctional in her upbringing played an integral role in her decision to re-assign ethnicity to herself because she could love Black life without deserting White life. There are qualities and attributes that I find attractive in other ethnicities and cultures. However, I’m so in love with my blackness, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. That doesn’t mean I can’t love the attributes of diverse cultures. Rachel should have felt this way about being White, but something altered her perception of who she is a long time ago.
Much has been said about how much she knows about African American culture. Well that means she’s that interested in, committed to, and has come to love Black life. Even knowing the challenges that African Americans have historically faced, are currently facing, and will continue to face, she decided to identify with the community and fight for social justice and other causes on behalf of the African American community. Who could begrudge her this? Whatever is going on with her birth parents, she’s not out to hurt the African American community. So don’t blend the issues because they are not the same. Pray that their familial problems will be resolved. Pray that her parents will be able to accept her decision absent bitterness, hostility, and vendetta. Pray that Rachel will be able to live her life without seeking revenge and harboring animosity towards her parents. She’s made a new life for herself, and if her decision is that they no longer exist for her, she should move on and cease from responding to their interviews.
If she has declared herself Black, that’s who we should accept her as. If legions of folk can accept and embrace someone who makes the decision to change gender, it shouldn’t be hard to accept someone’s decision to change their ethnicity. It may be sound and feel strange, but Rachel Dolezal should be respected for her decision. I didn’t say respected for her lies, but her decision. I know that my critics will say that Caitlyn Jenner was open about what she was doing, and your point is well-taken. However, I would like to ask what would have been the response had Rachel announced to the world years ago that she had decided to no longer live her life as a White woman, and would be spending the rest of it living as a Black woman and advocating for Black causes. If we are honest, the answers are the reasons why she chose not to.
Unfortunately, familial relationships impacted her life in such a way that she made a decision to end her life in every way but physical death. She chooses to live life as a member of a group of people who have a complex history in this country, and have been called upon to endure more than any other group in our history. Those troubled familial relationships have affected her in ways she would have never imaged. Rather than let her go, her parents’ pain convinced them to cast the spotlight on their child for the world to scrutinize her in ways that can result in catastrophic damage. Is that what they really want for their child? Do they believe love manifest itself in this manner? There’s still a lot to learn about the life of Rachel Dolezal, but I, for one, choose to defend her decision even if I don’t agree with the road she’s taken to “do her”.
~Copa