"Relationships"
by
Jessica Shifflett
(Contributing Columnist for Copa Style Magazine)
(Contributing Columnist for Copa Style Magazine)
From the swipe left attitude of Tinder, to the replace or upgrade approach developed by consumerism, it seems that respect and vitality of dating and relationships is just another tragic loss of the millennial's generation. We seem to have developed an attitude of replacement over repair. Lust over loyalty. I understand America's capitalism has us used to throwing away products and upgrading to new ones every six months to two years, but let's not make that mistake with people. It's almost terrifying, how worthless and replaceable relationships seem to have become for those in their 20s and early 30s. What happened to the time in which an issue could be addressed and worked out, instead of just to give cause to ignore your significant other and search a dating app for the newest fling?
So many people would work through incredible amounts of issues, to preserve a relationship and marriage. Divorce was looked at as a horrifying last resort, now it's tossed around more than salad. Was it that our parent's generation were making divorce more common place? Now don't get me wrong, if there is abuse or cheating, please by all means, LEAVE. Do not stay in an unhealthy relationship. But don't throw away a relationship because someone had some bad days and was grumpy, or because they upset you by not bringing home food, or just the stupid, little issues people seem to be grabbing and using now, as reasons to completely ghost someone for a month, while doing who knows what, then trying to rationalize it by blaming the partners. I see it all too often and unfortunately have even been put through it. News flash, the silent treatment is dead. And just a hint, it's technically an abuse tactic.
Sometimes I like to attribute this tragedy to the spread of social media and socialization via internet, causing the realization that there are so many others to pursue. In a world of glamorized cheating and Ashley Madison, is it that we've lost the value of significant others, or do we just shrug it off, knowing that we can have a new relationship within a few days? Tristan and Khloe Kardashian for example, have shaken the entertainment and gossip world when cheating surfaced days before their child's birth, and we were in an uproar. Yet some laugh, saying she deserves it, or point out that it's a repeat of the situation when she started dating him, with his baby momma days from birth, so it's karma. In what world does any woman deserve this? In what world is this funny? Have we become completely numb to the morality and values that were embraced not so long ago? Even deeper down, why were we okay with her getting with him initially, when he was with someone.
It falls right back to not valuing relationships or significant others. Another common issue I see our generation dealing with is the fading boundary line between friends of a couple and the significant other in the relationship. Since when did it become common place to pursue your friend's partner? Yet we see videos of scorned lovers catching cheating in the act, or texts and screenshots constantly being sent, capturing and confirming the heartless disloyalty. This is an unfortunate fear of my very own significant other, due to it being a realistic occurrence in his previous relationships, with his very own friends. I was sadly approached by one of his friends just yesterday and had to block communications for his comfort. When did this change for our generation though and why? Since when was trust harder to find than Waldo?
Another thing it seems we've lost is intimacy/affection. Why is it so shameful to hug someone of the same sex? Much less be intimate or loving with your partner? And I don't mean just physically. It seems that people get upset or very easily frustrated over having to communicate about or deal with insecurities or emotions. Since when was someone weak for opening yourself up and expressing fears or vulnerabilities to their trusted loved one or friend or partner? What I find weak is a person's inability to handle or address these needs. People are complicated, sensitive, enigmatic and detailed, it's the beauty of them. Embrace that. If you're not able to communicate regarding these things, you're not with the right person. My boyfriend is the first to address my insecurities and will fix whatever needs to be done, to help me feel better, and I easily and thoughtlessly return the favor. If I can do something to relieve his fears or stress, why wouldn't I? I find nowadays more than ever, that many millennials shut down at having to address their partners emotions or feelings, and this is incredibly discouraging considering statistics show our generation is the most stressed and afflicted with mental disorders and struggles. Shouldn't we be supporting each other through this life?
Or does it have to do with the fact that we've just become desensitized? That there are more mass murders, mass shootings and genocidal events occurring in our face than ever before in history, at least more informed with the spread of mass media and the internet. That World Star and Live Leaks are forms of recreational activities for some, and that these horrific events occurring daily capture our attention for a few hours to days but are so commonplace that they're casual now. Have we just lost our value for human life, and respect for humanity? I truly hope not. But it's not comforting, the path we seem to be on. As millennials, our generation has gotten the best and worst of a lot of things. We were born in such a defining time, the end of one era and beginning of a new one, so many simultaneous firsts and lasts, that it's understandable to be so conflicted and confused. But I refuse to be the generation that killed true love and marriages.
All I know is, as a millennial myself, I still have faith. I still love, care and respect. I still value people, relationships and loved ones especially. And I urge you all to do the same. Find appreciation in the little things, and in each person that you meet and communicate with. Stop finding reasons to throw people away and start embracing differences that may seem frustrating. As Bob Marley says, "What worth it isn't easy, and what's easy isn't worth it." I'm going for what's worth it, because we all know the last thing a millennial is familiar with is anything that's easy.
From the swipe left attitude of Tinder, to the replace or upgrade approach developed by consumerism, it seems that respect and vitality of dating and relationships is just another tragic loss of the millennial's generation. We seem to have developed an attitude of replacement over repair. Lust over loyalty. I understand America's capitalism has us used to throwing away products and upgrading to new ones every six months to two years, but let's not make that mistake with people. It's almost terrifying, how worthless and replaceable relationships seem to have become for those in their 20s and early 30s. What happened to the time in which an issue could be addressed and worked out, instead of just to give cause to ignore your significant other and search a dating app for the newest fling?
So many people would work through incredible amounts of issues, to preserve a relationship and marriage. Divorce was looked at as a horrifying last resort, now it's tossed around more than salad. Was it that our parent's generation were making divorce more common place? Now don't get me wrong, if there is abuse or cheating, please by all means, LEAVE. Do not stay in an unhealthy relationship. But don't throw away a relationship because someone had some bad days and was grumpy, or because they upset you by not bringing home food, or just the stupid, little issues people seem to be grabbing and using now, as reasons to completely ghost someone for a month, while doing who knows what, then trying to rationalize it by blaming the partners. I see it all too often and unfortunately have even been put through it. News flash, the silent treatment is dead. And just a hint, it's technically an abuse tactic.
Sometimes I like to attribute this tragedy to the spread of social media and socialization via internet, causing the realization that there are so many others to pursue. In a world of glamorized cheating and Ashley Madison, is it that we've lost the value of significant others, or do we just shrug it off, knowing that we can have a new relationship within a few days? Tristan and Khloe Kardashian for example, have shaken the entertainment and gossip world when cheating surfaced days before their child's birth, and we were in an uproar. Yet some laugh, saying she deserves it, or point out that it's a repeat of the situation when she started dating him, with his baby momma days from birth, so it's karma. In what world does any woman deserve this? In what world is this funny? Have we become completely numb to the morality and values that were embraced not so long ago? Even deeper down, why were we okay with her getting with him initially, when he was with someone.
It falls right back to not valuing relationships or significant others. Another common issue I see our generation dealing with is the fading boundary line between friends of a couple and the significant other in the relationship. Since when did it become common place to pursue your friend's partner? Yet we see videos of scorned lovers catching cheating in the act, or texts and screenshots constantly being sent, capturing and confirming the heartless disloyalty. This is an unfortunate fear of my very own significant other, due to it being a realistic occurrence in his previous relationships, with his very own friends. I was sadly approached by one of his friends just yesterday and had to block communications for his comfort. When did this change for our generation though and why? Since when was trust harder to find than Waldo?
Another thing it seems we've lost is intimacy/affection. Why is it so shameful to hug someone of the same sex? Much less be intimate or loving with your partner? And I don't mean just physically. It seems that people get upset or very easily frustrated over having to communicate about or deal with insecurities or emotions. Since when was someone weak for opening yourself up and expressing fears or vulnerabilities to their trusted loved one or friend or partner? What I find weak is a person's inability to handle or address these needs. People are complicated, sensitive, enigmatic and detailed, it's the beauty of them. Embrace that. If you're not able to communicate regarding these things, you're not with the right person. My boyfriend is the first to address my insecurities and will fix whatever needs to be done, to help me feel better, and I easily and thoughtlessly return the favor. If I can do something to relieve his fears or stress, why wouldn't I? I find nowadays more than ever, that many millennials shut down at having to address their partners emotions or feelings, and this is incredibly discouraging considering statistics show our generation is the most stressed and afflicted with mental disorders and struggles. Shouldn't we be supporting each other through this life?
Or does it have to do with the fact that we've just become desensitized? That there are more mass murders, mass shootings and genocidal events occurring in our face than ever before in history, at least more informed with the spread of mass media and the internet. That World Star and Live Leaks are forms of recreational activities for some, and that these horrific events occurring daily capture our attention for a few hours to days but are so commonplace that they're casual now. Have we just lost our value for human life, and respect for humanity? I truly hope not. But it's not comforting, the path we seem to be on. As millennials, our generation has gotten the best and worst of a lot of things. We were born in such a defining time, the end of one era and beginning of a new one, so many simultaneous firsts and lasts, that it's understandable to be so conflicted and confused. But I refuse to be the generation that killed true love and marriages.
All I know is, as a millennial myself, I still have faith. I still love, care and respect. I still value people, relationships and loved ones especially. And I urge you all to do the same. Find appreciation in the little things, and in each person that you meet and communicate with. Stop finding reasons to throw people away and start embracing differences that may seem frustrating. As Bob Marley says, "What worth it isn't easy, and what's easy isn't worth it." I'm going for what's worth it, because we all know the last thing a millennial is familiar with is anything that's easy.
~Copa