In this hectic world we sometimes get caught up in all of the frantic action and not take time to stop for a minute to evaluate the situation so we can get back to finding a way to simply being happy.
Jana Sedlokova (Photo Credit: Mike Foster)
"A Happier You"
By Jana Sedlakova
Happiness is The Flow of Letting Go
We live in a world of constant pressure sorting through a lot of information everywhere we turn, at work or in our personal encounters. There are so many demands on us, which we must meet with very little time on hand. From our employer wanting higher productivity, to our households demanding our time and energy, our friends wanting to share with us their ups and downs, to even bigger demands from corporations trying to sell us their products. Stress is wearing off our mind and body as we try to keep up with every account subscription we have, every bill we need to pay, every event we have to plan, and every deadline we must meet. We might be questioning: where are the happy days?
With the push for individuality over the past few decades, our culture seems to turn people into stressed and disconnected human beings. We seem to have lost touch with ourselves, our inner joy, and our livelihood. We all want happiness but where do we find it? We often look for the outside word to give it to us, other people or things to entertain us and make us feel good. So we go to parties, or watch sitcom, or drink alcohol, chase celebrities, shop, overeat, take stimulant drugs, and so on. We rely on these external factors to bring us happiness, or to be exact, feel-good moments. But all these are temporary; as the stimulus wears off so does the happiness. And we are left feeling empty inside, looking for the next thing to bring back those feelings.
But what is happiness? Is there a type that doesn’t wear off? Is it possible to have a sense of happiness every day? Or is happiness only moments of fun and joy? If you google “happiness”, you will find a definition describing it as “a state of well-being and contentment”. Now, a good question to ask is: who or what is responsible for our contentment?
For each of us, happiness means something different. One person may define it as spending time with family, another person may find happiness in eating chocolate, some are happy spending time in the nature or working out, others find happiness in animals, shopping, playing music, visiting historic sites in Europe, etc. We establish these “happiness triggers” earlier in life, mostly in childhood. When we saw something that made our parents or friends happy we conditioned ourselves to associate those things with happiness. For example, if your best friend growing up was always happy playing with her dog you would likely think of dogs as a source of joy and happiness too. These types of associations happen subconsciously and get imprinted in our brain through our observations. But if we reflect on our habits, we may realize that some of those things we consider to bring happiness don’t really work for us, it’s not who we really are. This reflection is the first step to self-discovery and this is where the key to real happiness lies.
When we detach ourselves from preconceived notions of what should bring us happiness, it opens up room for creating our own definition and understanding of happiness. Have you ever asked yourself what truly makes you happy? Sometimes we don't even know. We try to recall our happy states, usually related to other people or things. Does a new car make you happy? Should it? What is your definition of happiness? How do you feel when you are happy? Who creates your happiness? Now is a good time to take a pen and a paper and start writing. I encourage you to do this exercise because it will bring you a new perspective. Next, think about this: do you have a choice over your happiness? This is an important question because it will detach you from the subconscious reactions to the external factors. If you think you have a choice over producing your happiness, what are your choices? What actions can you take to create happiness? Is it buying a new couch, dating someone new, or getting a promotion? What if your happiness is not tied to these external factors? Can happiness be tied to yourself? What exactly about yourself can make you happy? These are questions that will open up your mind to new possibilities. So take some time, think, and write down your thoughts!
Research shows that we feel good when four types of chemicals are produced in our brain: dopamine, serotonin, endorphin, and oxytocin. For example: 1) Dopamine is produced when we achieve our goals; 2) Serotonin is produced when we feel important and appreciated by others; 3) Oxytocin is produced when we have trustworthy relationships and trust ourselves; and 4) Endorphin is produced when we are laughing or exercising. To feel happy and feel good, it is important to get a balanced dose of these chemicals in our brain. Here are a few quick tips how to get them.
Achievements: Yes, buying a new car can bring us happiness if we think of a new car as our achievement. Does it mean if we don’t get the car our life is unhappy? It doesn’t have to be. The good news is that our brain has incredible flexibility to rewire. We can shift our association of achievement away from a new car and choose different goals to achieve, such as volunteering, learning something new, making something, growing plants, or other simple joys you can achieve on your own. So think about it, what do you want your achievements to be? They can be small, simple goals that you can achieve every day, smile about it, and enjoy a flow of dopamine.
Feeling Appreciated: Everyone wants to feel important and have a meaning in life. Some people find this in their children’s “I love you” or in an award at work or in a recognition for doing something good in the community. If you feel you are surrounded by people who don’t appreciate you, maybe it’s time to make new friends, get involved in a new volunteer group, change your job, find people who value your efforts. However, you can also change your thoughts on being appreciated. Instead of looking for others to appreciate you, you can appreciate yourself. When you are doing something great and you know it, give yourself a big thank you and feel how wonderful you are. Being appreciated by yourself is more important for your inner peace than being appreciated by others.
Relationships: This is probably what people struggle with most. Friendships, family, and romantic relationships always seem to involve emotional ups and downs, challenges, and disappointments. How can we improve them, what makes relationships good? We feel our first happy moments in childhood. When our parents smiled at us and held us close, we felt security and protection. We learnt to trust them, which generated the bonding hormone oxytocin in our brain and it felt good. As we grow up, we look for similar bonding in all our relationships so we can experience those good feelings again. When our trust is broken relationships hurt, because instead of producing oxytocin our brain produces pain hormones. The good news is that our thoughts can control that. We can react with anger, argument, name-calling, or even violence, which are all primitive hormone-driven emotional reactions. But this is where our brain can give us amazing power. Instead of emotional reactions, we can switch to the type of thoughts that will make us feel better. Do we really need to rely on people who betray our trust? Does reacting emotionally help the relationship? Should we set our expectations on others? Yes, it feels good to surround ourselves with people we can trust, but more importantly, we must trust ourselves. And in order to trust ourselves, we must build our independence and self-reliance. Practice it by making your own decisions rather than asking others, read and watch videos to improve your skills so you don’t have to rely on others. But also reevaluate if it’s time to let go of certain people and certain thoughts that make your happiness dependent on them.
Healthy Lifestyle: It is not news that healthy eating and exercising are good for us. Realize what an amazing person you can be and are about yourself so much that you won’t let yourself become unhealthy. Take small steps to build habits of exercising regularly and not caring about pizza or burgers so much! Think of the function of eating as something that satisfy hunger and provides nutrients to our body. So get some green veggies and protein and fiber when you feel hungry. Sprinkle in a balanced level of positive music, laughter, and hobbies too to live a healthy life.
Our brain is always in charge. We know what works for us if we pay attention. And repetition of what is good for us will build good habits. We also need to revisit and reorganize the old, preconditioned thoughts and habits that hold us back from enjoying our present life because we filter the present moment through old information in our brain. Just like we empty a trash can, we need to empty our mind and throw away negative thoughts to make room for new learnings. You are either the creator or the victim of your reality, and the choice is yours. The choice is about how we build out brain.
Being alive and experiencing life is an amazing miracle and our journey can be a fun adventure of figuring out its lessons. If we can sustain the flexibility of our brain to take each experience as a building block of our life rather than a cause of our troubles, we will never get bored learning new things. Happy people see the good even in the most difficult situations and challenges. They always stay on the side of positivity even though they have the choice of complaining and being unhappy. But they choose to learn even from the toughest times because life gives us exactly the type of experiences we need to learn something we didn’t know. So choose not to live in a muddy state of mind. Rather, appreciate every experience and ask what you can learn from it. In fact, make learning and self-improvement a lifelong goal to achieve. You will have many learnings and achievements along the way. And while doing that, play the song we all hear on the radio nowadays; go ahead and sing along to the uplifting music and lyrics:
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Sing in the face of challenges and learn to dance in the storm. Keeping yourself positive and grounded, trusting yourself, and seeking to learn from every experience is the way to reshaping your brain for good. Let go of the memories, things and people who are not contributing to your happiness. Stop repeating the type of thoughts that generate pain hormones in your brain. Clean up your mind and switch from complaining to doing and learning, because learning is fun! Over time, our experiences literally reshape our brain and change our nervous systems. We can cultivate this plasticity of the brain and shape it with positive experiences and positive thoughts so we get more of the pleasure-producing chemicals in our brain. We have the choice to be the creators of our lives and our own happiness! So create more of what is good for you by evaluating your thoughts, your reactions, your habits, and how they came to be. Then recreate your mind and watch your life blossom! You deserve to be happy and it is in your hands.
By: Jana Sedlakova, Founder of YouSuccessfulYou
For personal coaching, please contact me at [email protected]
www.yousuccessfulyou.com
We live in a world of constant pressure sorting through a lot of information everywhere we turn, at work or in our personal encounters. There are so many demands on us, which we must meet with very little time on hand. From our employer wanting higher productivity, to our households demanding our time and energy, our friends wanting to share with us their ups and downs, to even bigger demands from corporations trying to sell us their products. Stress is wearing off our mind and body as we try to keep up with every account subscription we have, every bill we need to pay, every event we have to plan, and every deadline we must meet. We might be questioning: where are the happy days?
With the push for individuality over the past few decades, our culture seems to turn people into stressed and disconnected human beings. We seem to have lost touch with ourselves, our inner joy, and our livelihood. We all want happiness but where do we find it? We often look for the outside word to give it to us, other people or things to entertain us and make us feel good. So we go to parties, or watch sitcom, or drink alcohol, chase celebrities, shop, overeat, take stimulant drugs, and so on. We rely on these external factors to bring us happiness, or to be exact, feel-good moments. But all these are temporary; as the stimulus wears off so does the happiness. And we are left feeling empty inside, looking for the next thing to bring back those feelings.
But what is happiness? Is there a type that doesn’t wear off? Is it possible to have a sense of happiness every day? Or is happiness only moments of fun and joy? If you google “happiness”, you will find a definition describing it as “a state of well-being and contentment”. Now, a good question to ask is: who or what is responsible for our contentment?
For each of us, happiness means something different. One person may define it as spending time with family, another person may find happiness in eating chocolate, some are happy spending time in the nature or working out, others find happiness in animals, shopping, playing music, visiting historic sites in Europe, etc. We establish these “happiness triggers” earlier in life, mostly in childhood. When we saw something that made our parents or friends happy we conditioned ourselves to associate those things with happiness. For example, if your best friend growing up was always happy playing with her dog you would likely think of dogs as a source of joy and happiness too. These types of associations happen subconsciously and get imprinted in our brain through our observations. But if we reflect on our habits, we may realize that some of those things we consider to bring happiness don’t really work for us, it’s not who we really are. This reflection is the first step to self-discovery and this is where the key to real happiness lies.
When we detach ourselves from preconceived notions of what should bring us happiness, it opens up room for creating our own definition and understanding of happiness. Have you ever asked yourself what truly makes you happy? Sometimes we don't even know. We try to recall our happy states, usually related to other people or things. Does a new car make you happy? Should it? What is your definition of happiness? How do you feel when you are happy? Who creates your happiness? Now is a good time to take a pen and a paper and start writing. I encourage you to do this exercise because it will bring you a new perspective. Next, think about this: do you have a choice over your happiness? This is an important question because it will detach you from the subconscious reactions to the external factors. If you think you have a choice over producing your happiness, what are your choices? What actions can you take to create happiness? Is it buying a new couch, dating someone new, or getting a promotion? What if your happiness is not tied to these external factors? Can happiness be tied to yourself? What exactly about yourself can make you happy? These are questions that will open up your mind to new possibilities. So take some time, think, and write down your thoughts!
Research shows that we feel good when four types of chemicals are produced in our brain: dopamine, serotonin, endorphin, and oxytocin. For example: 1) Dopamine is produced when we achieve our goals; 2) Serotonin is produced when we feel important and appreciated by others; 3) Oxytocin is produced when we have trustworthy relationships and trust ourselves; and 4) Endorphin is produced when we are laughing or exercising. To feel happy and feel good, it is important to get a balanced dose of these chemicals in our brain. Here are a few quick tips how to get them.
Achievements: Yes, buying a new car can bring us happiness if we think of a new car as our achievement. Does it mean if we don’t get the car our life is unhappy? It doesn’t have to be. The good news is that our brain has incredible flexibility to rewire. We can shift our association of achievement away from a new car and choose different goals to achieve, such as volunteering, learning something new, making something, growing plants, or other simple joys you can achieve on your own. So think about it, what do you want your achievements to be? They can be small, simple goals that you can achieve every day, smile about it, and enjoy a flow of dopamine.
Feeling Appreciated: Everyone wants to feel important and have a meaning in life. Some people find this in their children’s “I love you” or in an award at work or in a recognition for doing something good in the community. If you feel you are surrounded by people who don’t appreciate you, maybe it’s time to make new friends, get involved in a new volunteer group, change your job, find people who value your efforts. However, you can also change your thoughts on being appreciated. Instead of looking for others to appreciate you, you can appreciate yourself. When you are doing something great and you know it, give yourself a big thank you and feel how wonderful you are. Being appreciated by yourself is more important for your inner peace than being appreciated by others.
Relationships: This is probably what people struggle with most. Friendships, family, and romantic relationships always seem to involve emotional ups and downs, challenges, and disappointments. How can we improve them, what makes relationships good? We feel our first happy moments in childhood. When our parents smiled at us and held us close, we felt security and protection. We learnt to trust them, which generated the bonding hormone oxytocin in our brain and it felt good. As we grow up, we look for similar bonding in all our relationships so we can experience those good feelings again. When our trust is broken relationships hurt, because instead of producing oxytocin our brain produces pain hormones. The good news is that our thoughts can control that. We can react with anger, argument, name-calling, or even violence, which are all primitive hormone-driven emotional reactions. But this is where our brain can give us amazing power. Instead of emotional reactions, we can switch to the type of thoughts that will make us feel better. Do we really need to rely on people who betray our trust? Does reacting emotionally help the relationship? Should we set our expectations on others? Yes, it feels good to surround ourselves with people we can trust, but more importantly, we must trust ourselves. And in order to trust ourselves, we must build our independence and self-reliance. Practice it by making your own decisions rather than asking others, read and watch videos to improve your skills so you don’t have to rely on others. But also reevaluate if it’s time to let go of certain people and certain thoughts that make your happiness dependent on them.
Healthy Lifestyle: It is not news that healthy eating and exercising are good for us. Realize what an amazing person you can be and are about yourself so much that you won’t let yourself become unhealthy. Take small steps to build habits of exercising regularly and not caring about pizza or burgers so much! Think of the function of eating as something that satisfy hunger and provides nutrients to our body. So get some green veggies and protein and fiber when you feel hungry. Sprinkle in a balanced level of positive music, laughter, and hobbies too to live a healthy life.
Our brain is always in charge. We know what works for us if we pay attention. And repetition of what is good for us will build good habits. We also need to revisit and reorganize the old, preconditioned thoughts and habits that hold us back from enjoying our present life because we filter the present moment through old information in our brain. Just like we empty a trash can, we need to empty our mind and throw away negative thoughts to make room for new learnings. You are either the creator or the victim of your reality, and the choice is yours. The choice is about how we build out brain.
Being alive and experiencing life is an amazing miracle and our journey can be a fun adventure of figuring out its lessons. If we can sustain the flexibility of our brain to take each experience as a building block of our life rather than a cause of our troubles, we will never get bored learning new things. Happy people see the good even in the most difficult situations and challenges. They always stay on the side of positivity even though they have the choice of complaining and being unhappy. But they choose to learn even from the toughest times because life gives us exactly the type of experiences we need to learn something we didn’t know. So choose not to live in a muddy state of mind. Rather, appreciate every experience and ask what you can learn from it. In fact, make learning and self-improvement a lifelong goal to achieve. You will have many learnings and achievements along the way. And while doing that, play the song we all hear on the radio nowadays; go ahead and sing along to the uplifting music and lyrics:
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Sing in the face of challenges and learn to dance in the storm. Keeping yourself positive and grounded, trusting yourself, and seeking to learn from every experience is the way to reshaping your brain for good. Let go of the memories, things and people who are not contributing to your happiness. Stop repeating the type of thoughts that generate pain hormones in your brain. Clean up your mind and switch from complaining to doing and learning, because learning is fun! Over time, our experiences literally reshape our brain and change our nervous systems. We can cultivate this plasticity of the brain and shape it with positive experiences and positive thoughts so we get more of the pleasure-producing chemicals in our brain. We have the choice to be the creators of our lives and our own happiness! So create more of what is good for you by evaluating your thoughts, your reactions, your habits, and how they came to be. Then recreate your mind and watch your life blossom! You deserve to be happy and it is in your hands.
By: Jana Sedlakova, Founder of YouSuccessfulYou
For personal coaching, please contact me at [email protected]
www.yousuccessfulyou.com
~Copa